you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
