I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
