Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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