Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
