Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
