I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
