Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
