Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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