So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
