You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
