you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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