Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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