Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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