Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
