Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
