I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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