Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
