Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
