So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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