dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
