Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
