I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
