dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
