dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
