Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
