those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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