i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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