I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
