Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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