how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
