I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
