I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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