Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
