Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
