that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
