At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
