I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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