he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
