It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
