so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
