so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
