12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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