I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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