is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Swine flu is the new snow day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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