Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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