4 words: hood of his car
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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