yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
