I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
