her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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