Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my liver is dry heaving
If its not for food we ain't going out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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