Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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