I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
